You’re ugly. You’ve been told as much by many people. And when you look in the mirror, you can’t help but agree. But if you really are that ugly, how can you deal with this reality? How do you cope with being unattractive? First things first…
In The Spirit Of Honesty
Let’s not be patronizing – whilst beauty is partly subjective, there is also something objective about it too.
Each of us has a certain look which may or may not be to everyone’s taste, but if you were to ask 100 people to rate the beauty of any individual out of 10, you’d likely see scores that cluster around certain points on the scale.
So one person may score anywhere between a 4 and a 7, but the majority of ratings would probably be a 5 or a 6. Perhaps you score between 1 and 4 with the majority rating you as a 2 or a 3. Let’s not beat around the bush. You are on the less attractive end of the scale. And you probably hate it when people try to convince you otherwise. They say things like, “You’re beautiful in your own way” or “You’re unique.”
All you hear in these clichés is insincerity disguised as politeness. Forgive them, for they know not what they say. Let’s face it, telling someone that they are unattractive is not easy. Unless you really know someone and how they might react, it’s natural to err on the side of caution. But let’s take it at face value if you’ll excuse the pun, and accept that you are, indeed, a relatively ugly person on the surface. Your first question may be…
Why Am I So Ugly?
I hate to break it to you, but you’ve probably just had poor luck in the genetic stakes when it comes to your appearance. How you look really does come down to who your parents are. Less attractive parents tend to have less attractive children. Your jawline, your nose, your eyes, even your weight is influenced by the genes that were passed down to you. On the plus side, this takes a lot of responsibility off your shoulders. It’s not your fault that you look the way you look.
Accept That You Are Ugly
And that’s not just to say that you understand logically that you are unattractive. Acceptance means to no longer have resentment or anger or insecurity over your looks. It means to be at peace with the fact that you are objectively uglier than most. It’s not easy, but it is possible. As with all forms of acceptance, the key is to realize that you have little power over the situation as it is, aside from the genuine possibility of cosmetic surgery (though that is not always feasible or desired).
Of course, you may try to make the best of your situation and choose clothes, hairstyles, and makeup that best suit you. but there is a limit to how much more attractive these will make you. And if your unattractiveness is partly due to lifestyle choices, these can be addressed. In general, though, you will have to accept how you look in the here and now. Though it may only help a little, you might need reminding that.
Even Attractive People Feel Ugly
Acceptance over how one looks is not only for people like you who know they are relatively ugly. It turns out that insecurity about how we look is pretty common. And whilst you may say that someone who averages a score of 5 or 6 out of 10 knows nothing of ugliness, it doesn’t lessen the angst they might feel.
A person’s self-image (part of their wider self-concept) won’t always match reality. So it’s not uncommon for the 6 to think they are a 2. Or for the 8 to think they are a 4. In fact, many people probably under-rate their objective level of beauty quite considerably. So those who are more attractive don’t necessarily have it much easier in the psychological department.
Sure, other people may view them as more attractive than you, but they may suffer just like you on the inside. In fact, if how they see themselves differs greatly to how others see them, they may have a really hard time accepting this. If you know that you are objectively unattractive, you probably have a tighter grip on reality than they do. Keep this in mind.
Don’t Be Jealous Or Envious Of More Attractive People
It’s easy to cast your eye at more outwardly beautiful people and feel jealousy and envy take hold of you. They just seem to have all the luck, right? Given that we judge people on appearance as soon as we meet them, it would seem reasonable that the more attractive you are, the more positively someone might feel about you.
But beyond snap judgements, our looks can only take us so far. They might help us get our foot in the door, but they can’t keep you in the room. Personality is what people really latch onto and either likes or dislike. And in this respect, you are not at any obvious disadvantage. There are attractive people who are quite horrible when you get to know them and there are ugly people who are charming and personable.
If you are forever looking with envy at those who might score above you in the looks department, you’ll never be able to truly accept yourself for who you are. You can’t like and respect yourself while simultaneously wishing you were someone else. This is also very important when it comes to.
Relationships For Ugly People
Is the dating scene harder for ugly people? Possibly, though many people of all levels of attractiveness struggle with dating and relationships. Again, you should try not to see your looks like a barrier to a happy and healthy relationship. So how do you handle being ugly and dating? You have to manage your expectations and remind yourself that looks aren’t everything in a partner.
In other words, you should probably be aiming to date someone who also sits at the lower end of the attractiveness scale. That’s not defeatist. That’s realistic. It just so happens that most people tend to end up in relationships with someone who is of a similar level of attractiveness. So a 6 might end up with a 5 or a 7. An 8 might date anywhere between a 7 and a 10.
If you are objectively a 2 or a 3, you are probably better off looking for a partner who is also a 2, or a 3, or a 4. Ask anyone who has been in a stable and committed relationship for many years what matters most in a partner and it 100% won’t be their looks. It will be their personality, the fun you have with them, the kind things they do, the support they provide you.
If you worry that you won’t find them physically or sexually attractive enough, bear in mind that these things grow as you get to know someone. So while you may look at a person on a first date and give a slight sigh and wish they were better looking, don’t instantly dismiss them as having zero potential as a partner. After all, you would want other people to look past your appearance and give you a chance too, right?
Your attraction to them can grow just like their attraction to you can do likewise. And dating those who are similarly as unattractive as you can have another benefit. It can take away some of the self-consciousness you may have around your looks. The pressure to overcome your appearance by projecting an image of confidence and happiness decreases because you both accept that looks probably aren’t going to be the driving factor in whether the date progresses to something more.
You can feel more at ease and allow your true and genuine personality to show itself instead of feeling the need to “make up” for your ugliness by pretending to be something you aren’t. This is just one reason why you should.
Stop Focusing On Your Looks
Sure, it’s easier said than done, especially if you believe you are genuinely less attractive than most. But by thinking about how ugly you are, you are likely to be negatively influencing your levels of satisfaction with life. This is due to something called the focusing illusion. Basically, by thinking about an area of your life that you are not so happy about, you taint the overall belief you have about how good or bad your life is.
But if a participant was not satisfied with their appearance, they gave a more negative assessment when it came to their life satisfaction. To put it simply, if you don’t like how you look, thinking about it can put a real downer on how you generally feel about your life. On the other hand, if you think about something that you like about yourself or your life, it can make you feel better about your life in general. So as hard as might be, if you catch yourself thinking about your appearance, try to disrupt those thoughts and shift your mind to other things.
The less you can think about how ugly you might be, the less it will bring you down and the more positive you can remain about your life as a whole. In fact, if you can practice gratitude each day and think about some of the things that you are truly thankful for, it can help you maintain a more positive outlook on life. Speaking of outlooks, if you are young and ugly, it is worth considering the possibility that…
Ugliness Might Be A Phase
This section is mainly for those readers who are young and whose body and faces may still be changing at quite a rapid rate. It’s true that during adolescence and young adulthood, we can experience plenty of issues with regards to how we look. With hormones raging through our bodies, we may have bad skin, acne, growth spurts, weight changes, early or delayed development of the body.
Not to mention facial features that are still finding their rightful positions. And those same hormones can take our mood from high to low in an instant. This can make us feel worse about our appearance than we might otherwise do. At this time of life, it’s important to remember that what you see in the mirror now might not be how things end up. You might be going through what some people affectionately call an ‘ugly duckling’ phase and you might grow up to be far more attractive than you are now.
Heck, just look at some of these examples of people who have come through this phase. So while this article is all about honesty and telling it like it is, you can still accept your current looks without accepting that this is how you will look when you’ve fully matured into an adult. And if you do grow up to be less attractive than your peers, you might want to remember that there are.
Benefits To Being Ugly
You may think that because you are ugly, you got a bad hand in life, but there are some upsides to being one of the less attractive people in the world.
1. Ageing is not something you worry about as much. Looks fade over time, but yours probably won’t change as much as most. And in comparison to others, you might even gain some ground in the beauty stakes.
2. No one assumes you get by on your looks. They know damned well that you have more about you if you have managed to succeed in life.
3. People like you for who you are, not what you look like. This must say something nice about your personality (assuming they aren’t after your money!)
4. You don’t have to chase the latest fashion. Big-name brands and the latest trends that cost the earth are just not worth bothering with. You can buy clothes that YOU feel comfortable in.
5. You don’t have to spend ages taking the perfect selfie for Instagram.
6. If you are a woman, other women do not see you as a threat to their self-esteem or their relationships and so might get on better with you.
7. Ugly people are often underestimated. So when you show just how much talent you have, you get to enjoy the looks of astonishment on people’s faces. In doubt? You clearly haven’t heard of Susan Boyle.
8. You’re not shallow. You can look beyond the appearance of other people. You don’t care if someone is ugly, you’ll give them the same opportunities as everyone else.
9. If you’re an introvert, you’ll have to deal with fewer meaningless social interactions and less small talk.
Your Mind Is Your Most Powerful Tool
The fact of the matter is, whilst your ugliness may be skin deep, it can affect you to your very core. And, yes, being ugly may influence how you go about your life and how others treat you. But the best way to deal with it is to change how you think about it. As was stated earlier, thinking about your appearance in a negative way can make you less positive about your life as a whole. Yet, if you can accept how you look and see the positives it may bring, it can greatly improve your outlook.